Tuesday, June 23, 2009

A Trying Few Days, although Purposeful I'm Sure.

All this 1111 and synchronicity stuff aside, I have a pretty normal life.

I would like to say I have published a book on presence based counseling, wrote a book or two on 1111 phenomena and synchronicity, that all my relationships are impeccable, and everything is perfect in Blayne Lannan's world today. The fact is that it's not, at least not in my mind sometimes.

I remember watching the movie, "The Secret" about a month into my enlightenment, and I knew, at some point I would be those things I mentioned above.

Then I started seeing "the numbers" everywhere, including the birthdays of the customers that come into my life. I knew beyond any doubt I was manifesting financial abundance

Then I started researching 2012, and controversial figures like David Icke, and I realized alot of what I was hearing, and feeling at a much higher level than I have ever felt before, was completely resonating with me.

Fast foward to yesterday. My partner returned from a four day camping trip with my daughter to see her dad. Shanna and I have Tehya together, and I had Beau, my second son with my ex-wife Jill.

Blended families like ours come with inherent issues. We are working on them, but it seems like a constant struggle with me getting caught in the middle. I have Beau three days a week. Beau has a tendency to throw stuff away that is still good, and put stuff away of Shanna's that isn't his.

Beau cleaned when I was at work on Saturday. When I walked through the door he took me from room to room, showing me what he had done. He was proud of what he had accomplished. I saw it on his face. All I could think about was that Shanna was going to flip when she got home.

I had this dream of coming home Sunday night and hopping in the car to go camping at the ocean, with Beau, Shanna, and Tehya. I thought about it all day Sunday while I was feeling sorry for myself at work, because it was Fathers Day.

Instead, I argued with Shanna, cried, wondered why I have to deal with this, when life should be more simple, and went to bed sad. I spent Fathers day at work, and that evening arguing with my partner about my sons cleaning obscession.

It all came to a head yesterday, with me caught in the middle. I know Beau's heart is in the right place, and he just wants to help out. I'm trying to explain this to Shanna where his heart is, as she's telling me I don't know how to parent and he should be consequenced for throwing out some food that was still good. Right after I started raising my voice, and threw my keys on the counter, I looked at the clock and it was 3:33. With that, i'm trying to figure out how my arguing with my partner is in line with my life purpose.

Since this "awakening" began, my life has gotten harder. My industry is struggling so bad, some months since September of last year when this all began have been touch and go. Magically I keep being provided for

I work in a stressful environment, and then I come home to a stressful environment.

The only answer I keep coming back to, is this series of wonderful...followed by not so wonderful synchronicity...is preparing me for something.

I wish we could get on with it.

Shanna is almost done with her internship for her Masters of Counseling Psychology, then its my turn. Then maybe that presence based counseling "thing" will become a reality.

Today we all went to the ocean. Beau to surf, tehya to play in the sand and Shanna and I to do some reading. I normally would be surfing, but seemed to have torn a pectoral muscle sometime during the past few days of "bliss" LOL. I left the beach to go call my mom. I decided to sit in the car because it was very windy. I tuned on the car and the time on the digital clock was 2:12. When I turned on the ignition to leave an hour later it was 3:13, and when I just went to pick Beau up at the bottom of the hill by our house it was 9:19. Evidentally he crashed at a high rate of speed and cut himself up pretty good.

He wasn't kidding. I just spent about 15 minutes cleaning and covering wounds. I asked him to at least wear a helmet if he decided to ride his longboard down the hill again. Knucklehead 15 year old!!

So there you have it.

Thanks for reading the blog. I hope you can find the perfection in the chaos...even when it feels like the entire universe is plotting against you!!



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